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Middling Age

by Tim Kasher

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $11 USD  or more

     

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Side A:
    I Don’t Think About You
    What Are We Doing
    The John Jouberts
    100 Ways To Paint A Bowl Of Limes
    On My Knees

    Side B:
    You Don’t Gotta Beat Yourself Up About It
    Life Coach
    Whisper Your Death Wish
    Up And Cut Me Loose
    Forever Of The Living Dead

    Includes unlimited streaming of Middling Age via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 45 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $20 USD or more 

     

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Side A:
    I Don’t Think About You
    What Are We Doing
    The John Jouberts
    100 Ways To Paint A Bowl Of Limes
    On My Knees

    Side B:
    You Don’t Gotta Beat Yourself Up About It
    Life Coach
    Whisper Your Death Wish
    Up And Cut Me Loose
    Forever Of The Living Dead

    Includes unlimited streaming of Middling Age via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 45 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $20 USD or more 

     

  • T-Shirt/Shirt + Digital Album

    100% airlume combed and ringspun cotton
    Retail fit
    Unisex sizing

    Includes unlimited streaming of Middling Age via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $30 USD or more 

     

  • T-Shirt/Shirt + Digital Album

    100% airlume combed and ringspun cotton
    Retail fit
    Unisex sizing

    Includes unlimited streaming of Middling Age via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $30 USD or more 

     

1.
2.
I wake up every morning on our California king The bed I said we didn’t need, you firmly disagreed To stress your point you used to sleep diagonally I don’t think about you all the time The shower has a window overlooking city streets You’d glower at the rush hour on hungover mornings I’d post up on the toilet just to keep you company I don’t think about you all the time I don’t think about you all the time I hop into the car, a Cyndi Lauper song comes on You always said, “It’s true, we’re not the fortunate ones” I framed that pic of you and Captain Lou when you were young I don’t think about you all the time I don’t think about you all the time Am I torturing myself? These maudlin mementos aren’t good for my health Perhaps I don’t want to be well But I don’t think about you all the time I don’t think about you all the time Every night at dusk I take the dog out for a walk We pass that Tudor house you always wished we would’ve bought Now, it’s filled with children playing tag out on the lawn I don’t think about you all the time I’m sipping from a snifter we received as a wedding gift The other five were broken over petty arguments Every time one smashed you’d say our marriage was christened I don’t think about you all the time I don’t think about you all the time I should leave this all behind But I don’t want these memories to slip from my mind Not ready to say goodbye I don’t think about you all the time I don’t think about you all the time
3.
Dressed up like penguins Spinning like whirligigs A big chocolate fountain Gurgling extravagance— More like three months of rent— And no one’s even taken a dip The guests are ashamed, They’ve forgotten the name Of the host’s lovely wife But oh, what a sight she is! On the veranda The stanzas just write themselves Indentured servers Toking up in the corner Where no one else lurks They write me off like some kind of jerk And maybe I am— I most certainly am— I’m complicit in this It wouldn’t exist without the likes of me What are we doing… What are we doing here? Jumped in a taxi A man from Afghanistan Drives for his family Sending home every paycheck He lives with ten men Taking shifts sharing one bed On Mulholland Drive He points toward the sky See the fireworks spill Over the rooftops of Beverly Hills What are we doing here?
4.
I dreamt I was a drummer You and I were in a band We were called The John Jouberts We played the Sokol basement This woman came to see us She was furious as hell You see, her son: he was a victim Of the name spray painted Across my drum shells I can’t recall the rest too well We were young turks in the 80’s As winter whitewashed Omaha A boogeyman was on the loose Hunting boys about five foot tall And we knew we fit the profile— Though I’d often point out Those boys were blond That winter froze our childhood I suppose our innocence never thawed So, here’s a song for Danny Joe Eberle Here’s a song for Chris Walden They both took a slow bullet So us other turks could live And I don’t know how to thank them And even thanking them feels wrong If they could know I’m still thinking of them I am… Thankful I’m here, but hate that they’re gone They say the good die young What a shitty thing to say, ‘the good die young’
5.
Here we are, in the best years of our lives Wondering when we’re gonna get it right At the bar, there’s a stool reserved for you A fitting joke but when is the punch line We all could use a laugh To suffer demons of our past The poisons we keep bottled up inside Still life Does it feel like you’re frozen in time Still life We’re just hangin’ around ’til we die In your car, sitting on the 101 Seems like everybody’s headed the same place At your desk, typing run-on sentences A marathon of half-baked boilerplate That’s how these verses feel Stuck in mud, spinning my wheels 100 ways to paint a bowl of limes Still life Does it feel like you’re frozen in time Still life We’re just hangin’ around attracting flies And every daydream’s a rerun No one’s changing the station Something’s gotta give or take or break On the couch, staring mindlessly at screens Some story of a man searching in vain Back to bed, once the day finally relents A passerby of your own existence Still, you write it down Attach a melody you’ve found An effigy forever fossilized Still life Does it feel like you’re frozen in time Still life We’re just hangin’ around ’til— Staring at a cluttered page I strain to set my story straight Endless days of posing like I’m fine Still life; is the point of this just to survive? Still life A portrait of modern mankind
6.
On My Knees 03:45
I was born to sin, not born again I’m human; I don’t see why I would deny myself such fruit My parents raised me well, Not scared of hell, it’s hard to tell If I’d end up there If the old wives’ tale were true I don’t believe in Satan or damnation Or creation: didn’t we exhume Old Lucy’s bones? I’ll endure the great unknown On my own Still, I’m lonely and scared, Don’t think I’ll ever be prepared For the inevitable nothing On my knees… On my deathbed pleading to nobody On my knees Went to Catholic school, I followed rules, found Jesus… To be a terrifying presence In my life Oh, most certainly god-fearing, I prayed to keep the holy one From bleeding from his eyes I know ‘Jesus Saves’, Love conquers hate, And still, today, I don’t deny The lives that he has touched But I don’t need a crucifix For a crutch Still, I yearn to believe In something greater than me ’Til then I will earnestly sing On my knees… Here at death’s door Peeking through the key hole On my knees Still, I’m trying to find Something deeper inside What a precious, precocious Human thing
7.
I don’t want to be forgotten I don’t know why this is so important to me Is this why people have children A hand-me-down legacy Do we share the same struggle To grasp the immortal Are we really such simple beasts We don’t know where we come from We don’t know where we belong We don’t know when we’ll be gone But it can’t be too long now I don’t want to be remembered For all the terrible ways We disgraced ourselves On the shoulders of murderers A history like a police line-up We raped and we pillaged Each race, every village Then carved our leaders on their hill They didn’t know where we came from They didn’t know where we belonged They didn’t know when we’d be gone It looks like we stuck around I don’t know what I’m doing I’m just floating along with society Shouldn’t I be contributing Instead of constantly consuming We complete education Then snag a vocation Then, maybe a retirement party Well, if that’s what you call a life To many, it sure sounds nice But for that voice lashing out inside Forever hammering why That’s my problem; My head’s like a faucet It runs hot and cold And some nights I can’t stop it From calming to caustic I can’t make the cataract quit This is my life’s work Questioning my worth So, what have I surmised? Life’s work and then you die We don’t know where we come from We don’t know where we belong We don’t know when we’ll be gone… But you don’t gotta beat yourself up about it
8.
Life Coach 02:33
Making rounds and making waves You make it sound like you got it made But you made it up and made mistakes When are you gonna quit Living this ludicrous ego trip like a dick The bills pile up so quick When are you gonna Give up the fight and get a life It’s time to give up the fight And get a life When are you gonna Give up the fight and get a life Get a life You’re working it and working out You work your shifts and when in doubt You work your folks, you wear ‘em down When are you gonna stop Fucking up, fucking off, Fuck your dreams, get a job The world needs another pawn When are you gonna Give up the fight and get a life… We were meant for so much more Bloody rich, not bleeding poor You’re spilling your guts on the floor When are you gonna give up the fight And get a life… Time isn’t on your side You’re older, but not so wise
9.
I don’t want to live this aching life without you I don’t want to say goodbye, but I guess we’ll have to Can you look me in the eye and tell me, “It was worth the ruse” In the end, we’ll pretend it was a good run In the end, we’ll pretend we’ve all had our fun I don’t want to roam the neighborhood a widow I don’t want to lose the scent from your pillow And I know I let you down a lot, But I can’t do this alone In the end, we’ll pretend that we’re okay with it In the end, we’ll pretend we don’t give a shit We’ll hit the happy hours And cheers a life less lived Whisper your death wish How I hate to think this life can’t be continued Though I’d hate to kowtow to religious virtues A day will come when we’ll succumb To their point of view In the end, we’ll pretend we’re the chosen ones In the end, we’ll pretend there’s a kingdom come I don’t want to see you suffer at my suffering And you don’t want to see me suffer ‘cause you’re suffering Can we make a pact to act Like death just rolls off our back On your last breath, say my name On my last breath I swear to do the same In the end, we’ll pretend that we’re okay with it In the end, we’ll pretend we’re not devastated So throw your legs around me and give me one last kiss Whisper your death wish In the end, we’ll pretend it was for the best In the end, we’ll pretend we’re not scared to death
10.
I got nothin’ left to lose Since you up and cut me loose I’ll try my luck at the saloons Like Custer dancing with the Sioux Feelin’ sorry for my sorry self Could hardly summon someone else To commiserate a cry for help— Oh god, I’m not doin’ so well You don’t have to say a thing, Just sit with me and share a drink I got nothin’ left to lose Since you up and cut me loose Like a song without a tune Driftin’ aimlessly confused Keep walking on our favorite walks Resting at our restaurants Like a lonely automaton— Habits of co-habitation I was bored as hell with our old haunts, Now, there’s nothing more I want Guess I’ll drum up some old drinking buds Reconvene with some old habits I gave up I was never a whole person ’til I held your love Now, I’m just a dancer with one shoe A boxer with one glove I got nothin’ left to lose Since you up and cut me loose Still, I keep holding on to you Like a child holds a balloon Safe in your bedroom for a while Dancing on the ceiling tiles Tomorrow, it’ll start to sag— Oh god, you’re never coming back, are ya But I’ll keep bleeding out for you Ever since you cut me loose Got nothin’ left to lose You up and cut me loose
11.
Gonna cut me in half Count the rings of my past And the lines on my face Count the years I’ve laid waste And my fingers are rusty gears They used to point straight My feet have become drunken My bony body sways Gonna cut me in two The good and the true Let the good stay at home Let the true out to roam Don’t know what it’ll find out there But it hates to be alone I know truth can be so awful But it’s all we truly know Gonna cut out my heart Gonna feed it to the dog Gonna cut off my head Leave it at the end of your bed These long lives we’re promised to These run-on sentences One thing I know for certain We can’t out run the dead Forever seems so far away But forever’s only a day away Forever seems so far away Forever’s always a day away

credits

released April 15, 2022

Middling Age

Written and arranged by Tim Kasher

Recorded on everyone’s respective home studio
setups during the global pandemic of 2020-21

Mixed by Jason Cupp at &c

Mastered by Ed Brooks at Resonant Mastering

These are the excellent musicians
who helped shape these songs:
Laura Carrozzo - flute
Jason Cupp - kalimba, sound manipulation
Geoff Dolce - violin
Jayson Gerycz - drums
Laura Jane Grace - vocals (Forever…)
Nouela Johnston - vocals (The John Jouberts, Whisper..., Forever…)
Patrick Newbery - keys, flugelhorn, trumpet
Jeff Rosenstock - saxophone (Forever…)
Megan Siebe - cello, vocals (I Don’t Think About You)
Macey Taylor - bass (100 Ways…)
Natalie Tetro - ukelele, vocals (Forever…)

Art design and layout by Matt Maginn

Thank you for spending some time with this record,
xo Tim

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Tim Kasher Los Angeles, California

Cursive / The Good Life / Me. Fourth solo album, Middling Age, out in April 2022 on 15 Passenger Records!

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