1. |
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2. |
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I wake up every morning on our California king
The bed I said we didn’t need, you firmly disagreed
To stress your point you used to sleep diagonally
I don’t think about you all the time
The shower has a window overlooking city streets
You’d glower at the rush hour on hungover mornings
I’d post up on the toilet just to keep you company
I don’t think about you all the time
I don’t think about you all the time
I hop into the car, a Cyndi Lauper song comes on
You always said, “It’s true, we’re not the fortunate ones”
I framed that pic of you and Captain Lou when you were young
I don’t think about you all the time
I don’t think about you all the time
Am I torturing myself?
These maudlin mementos aren’t good for my health
Perhaps I don’t want to be well
But I don’t think about you all the time
I don’t think about you all the time
Every night at dusk I take the dog out for a walk
We pass that Tudor house you always wished we would’ve bought
Now, it’s filled with children playing tag out on the lawn
I don’t think about you all the time
I’m sipping from a snifter we received as a wedding gift
The other five were broken over petty arguments
Every time one smashed you’d say our marriage was christened
I don’t think about you all the time
I don’t think about you all the time
I should leave this all behind
But I don’t want these memories to slip from my mind
Not ready to say goodbye
I don’t think about you all the time
I don’t think about you all the time
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3. |
What Are We Doing
02:53
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Dressed up like penguins
Spinning like whirligigs
A big chocolate fountain
Gurgling extravagance—
More like three months of rent—
And no one’s even taken a dip
The guests are ashamed,
They’ve forgotten the name
Of the host’s lovely wife
But oh, what a sight she is!
On the veranda
The stanzas just write themselves
Indentured servers
Toking up in the corner
Where no one else lurks
They write me off like some kind of jerk
And maybe I am—
I most certainly am—
I’m complicit in this
It wouldn’t exist without the likes of me
What are we doing…
What are we doing here?
Jumped in a taxi
A man from Afghanistan
Drives for his family
Sending home every paycheck
He lives with ten men
Taking shifts sharing one bed
On Mulholland Drive
He points toward the sky
See the fireworks spill
Over the rooftops of Beverly Hills
What are we doing here?
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4. |
The John Jouberts
04:27
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I dreamt I was a drummer
You and I were in a band
We were called The John Jouberts
We played the Sokol basement
This woman came to see us
She was furious as hell
You see, her son: he was a victim
Of the name spray painted
Across my drum shells
I can’t recall the rest too well
We were young turks in the 80’s
As winter whitewashed Omaha
A boogeyman was on the loose
Hunting boys about five foot tall
And we knew we fit the profile—
Though I’d often point out
Those boys were blond
That winter froze our childhood
I suppose our innocence never thawed
So, here’s a song for Danny Joe Eberle
Here’s a song for Chris Walden
They both took a slow bullet
So us other turks could live
And I don’t know how to thank them
And even thanking them feels wrong
If they could know I’m still thinking of them
I am…
Thankful I’m here, but hate that they’re gone
They say the good die young
What a shitty thing to say, ‘the good die young’
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5. |
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Here we are, in the best years of our lives
Wondering when we’re gonna get it right
At the bar, there’s a stool reserved for you
A fitting joke but when is the punch line
We all could use a laugh
To suffer demons of our past
The poisons we keep bottled up inside
Still life
Does it feel like you’re frozen in time
Still life
We’re just hangin’ around ’til we die
In your car, sitting on the 101
Seems like everybody’s headed the same place
At your desk, typing run-on sentences
A marathon of half-baked boilerplate
That’s how these verses feel
Stuck in mud, spinning my wheels
100 ways to paint a bowl of limes
Still life
Does it feel like you’re frozen in time
Still life
We’re just hangin’ around attracting flies
And every daydream’s a rerun
No one’s changing the station
Something’s gotta give or take or break
On the couch, staring mindlessly at screens
Some story of a man searching in vain
Back to bed, once the day finally relents
A passerby of your own existence
Still, you write it down
Attach a melody you’ve found
An effigy forever fossilized
Still life
Does it feel like you’re frozen in time
Still life
We’re just hangin’ around ’til—
Staring at a cluttered page
I strain to set my story straight
Endless days of posing like I’m fine
Still life; is the point of this just to survive?
Still life
A portrait of modern mankind
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6. |
On My Knees
03:45
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I was born to sin, not born again
I’m human; I don’t see why
I would deny myself such fruit
My parents raised me well,
Not scared of hell, it’s hard to tell
If I’d end up there
If the old wives’ tale were true
I don’t believe in Satan or damnation
Or creation: didn’t we exhume
Old Lucy’s bones?
I’ll endure the great unknown
On my own
Still, I’m lonely and scared,
Don’t think I’ll ever be prepared
For the inevitable nothing
On my knees…
On my deathbed pleading to nobody
On my knees
Went to Catholic school,
I followed rules, found Jesus…
To be a terrifying presence
In my life
Oh, most certainly god-fearing,
I prayed to keep the holy one
From bleeding from his eyes
I know ‘Jesus Saves’,
Love conquers hate,
And still, today, I don’t deny
The lives that he has touched
But I don’t need a crucifix
For a crutch
Still, I yearn to believe
In something greater than me
’Til then I will earnestly sing
On my knees…
Here at death’s door
Peeking through the key hole
On my knees
Still, I’m trying to find
Something deeper inside
What a precious, precocious
Human thing
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7. |
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I don’t want to be forgotten
I don’t know why this is so important to me
Is this why people have children
A hand-me-down legacy
Do we share the same struggle
To grasp the immortal
Are we really such simple beasts
We don’t know where we come from
We don’t know where we belong
We don’t know when we’ll be gone
But it can’t be too long now
I don’t want to be remembered
For all the terrible ways
We disgraced ourselves
On the shoulders of murderers
A history like a police line-up
We raped and we pillaged
Each race, every village
Then carved our leaders on their hill
They didn’t know where we came from
They didn’t know where we belonged
They didn’t know when we’d be gone
It looks like we stuck around
I don’t know what I’m doing
I’m just floating along with society
Shouldn’t I be contributing
Instead of constantly consuming
We complete education
Then snag a vocation
Then, maybe a retirement party
Well, if that’s what you call a life
To many, it sure sounds nice
But for that voice lashing out inside
Forever hammering why
That’s my problem;
My head’s like a faucet
It runs hot and cold
And some nights I can’t stop it
From calming to caustic
I can’t make the cataract quit
This is my life’s work
Questioning my worth
So, what have I surmised?
Life’s work and then you die
We don’t know where we come from
We don’t know where we belong
We don’t know when we’ll be gone…
But you don’t gotta beat yourself up about it
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8. |
Life Coach
02:33
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Making rounds and making waves
You make it sound like you got it made
But you made it up and made mistakes
When are you gonna quit
Living this ludicrous ego trip like a dick
The bills pile up so quick
When are you gonna
Give up the fight and get a life
It’s time to give up the fight
And get a life
When are you gonna
Give up the fight and get a life
Get a life
You’re working it and working out
You work your shifts and when in doubt
You work your folks, you wear ‘em down
When are you gonna stop
Fucking up, fucking off,
Fuck your dreams, get a job
The world needs another pawn
When are you gonna
Give up the fight and get a life…
We were meant for so much more
Bloody rich, not bleeding poor
You’re spilling your guts on the floor
When are you gonna give up the fight
And get a life…
Time isn’t on your side
You’re older, but not so wise
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9. |
Whisper Your Death Wish
04:02
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I don’t want to live this aching life without you
I don’t want to say goodbye, but I guess we’ll have to
Can you look me in the eye and tell me,
“It was worth the ruse”
In the end, we’ll pretend it was a good run
In the end, we’ll pretend we’ve all had our fun
I don’t want to roam the neighborhood a widow
I don’t want to lose the scent from your pillow
And I know I let you down a lot,
But I can’t do this alone
In the end, we’ll pretend that we’re okay with it
In the end, we’ll pretend we don’t give a shit
We’ll hit the happy hours
And cheers a life less lived
Whisper your death wish
How I hate to think this life can’t be continued
Though I’d hate to kowtow to religious virtues
A day will come when we’ll succumb
To their point of view
In the end, we’ll pretend we’re the chosen ones
In the end, we’ll pretend there’s a kingdom come
I don’t want to see you suffer at my suffering
And you don’t want to see me suffer ‘cause you’re suffering
Can we make a pact to act
Like death just rolls off our back
On your last breath, say my name
On my last breath I swear to do the same
In the end, we’ll pretend that we’re okay with it
In the end, we’ll pretend we’re not devastated
So throw your legs around me and give me one last kiss
Whisper your death wish
In the end, we’ll pretend it was for the best
In the end, we’ll pretend we’re not scared to death
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10. |
Up And Cut Me Loose
03:21
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I got nothin’ left to lose
Since you up and cut me loose
I’ll try my luck at the saloons
Like Custer dancing with the Sioux
Feelin’ sorry for my sorry self
Could hardly summon someone else
To commiserate a cry for help—
Oh god, I’m not doin’ so well
You don’t have to say a thing,
Just sit with me and share a drink
I got nothin’ left to lose
Since you up and cut me loose
Like a song without a tune
Driftin’ aimlessly confused
Keep walking on our favorite walks
Resting at our restaurants
Like a lonely automaton—
Habits of co-habitation
I was bored as hell with our old haunts,
Now, there’s nothing more I want
Guess I’ll drum up some old drinking buds
Reconvene with some old habits I gave up
I was never a whole person ’til I held your love
Now, I’m just a dancer with one shoe
A boxer with one glove
I got nothin’ left to lose
Since you up and cut me loose
Still, I keep holding on to you
Like a child holds a balloon
Safe in your bedroom for a while
Dancing on the ceiling tiles
Tomorrow, it’ll start to sag—
Oh god, you’re never coming back, are ya
But I’ll keep bleeding out for you
Ever since you cut me loose
Got nothin’ left to lose
You up and cut me loose
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11. |
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Gonna cut me in half
Count the rings of my past
And the lines on my face
Count the years I’ve laid waste
And my fingers are rusty gears
They used to point straight
My feet have become drunken
My bony body sways
Gonna cut me in two
The good and the true
Let the good stay at home
Let the true out to roam
Don’t know what it’ll find out there
But it hates to be alone
I know truth can be so awful
But it’s all we truly know
Gonna cut out my heart
Gonna feed it to the dog
Gonna cut off my head
Leave it at the end of your bed
These long lives we’re promised to
These run-on sentences
One thing I know for certain
We can’t out run the dead
Forever seems so far away
But forever’s only a day away
Forever seems so far away
Forever’s always a day away
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Tim Kasher Los Angeles, California
Cursive / The Good Life / Me. Fourth solo album, Middling Age, out in April 2022 on 15 Passenger Records!
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